Wang and Wong
by SandwichesHinderProgress
Summary: Data's great-uncle Short Round comes for a visit. The Goonies tell him the story of their quest and he tells them his own story. I wrote this story to coincide with the 25th anniversary of The Goonies. Rated T for language.
1. Walsh House

Mikey and his older brother Brandon were watching MTV at their house. That Cindy Lauper music video was on again. Brandon was exercising like he usually did. It had only been a week since they set out in search of One-Eyed Willie's treasure.

"Another Saturday here in the 'Goon Docks'," Mikey said. "What could be better?"

"I'll tell you what's better," Brand said. "The fact that I'm going on a date with Andy tonight."

"How?" Mouth said as he walked into the house from the front door. "You have no car or bike. Are you taking a bus to the restaurant?" Mouth realized that his prediction was correct when Brand looked away. "Sucks for you."

"Shut up, Mouth!" Brand said as he got up and swung at him. He barely missed Mouth as he ducked. "Lucky for you, I'm a nice guy today."

"That's a first," Mouth said. "We ought to call the reporters and tell them. I can see the headlines: 'SCREWUP BROTHER ACTUALLY NICE'."

"Just leave him alone, Mouth," Mikey said. While Brand didn't always show it, he could be very nice whenever his little brother was upset about something.

"Hey guys!" Data yelled from outside. He was between the Walsh house and his house. "Look! I got a gwappling hook!" He through the grappling hook into the window. It almost hit Mikey. Data pulled the rope to pull himself up. This made it move across the table in the Walsh living room. He climbed into the window.

"Shit!" Mikey cried as he looked at the big scratch on the table. "Look what you did!"

"Sowy, guys," Data said. "I came to tell you dat my gwandpa is coming to my house foe a visit. He wants to meet all of my fwends. Ah you guys coming?"

"Sure," Mikey said.

Mouth looked at the TV and saw that the music video for Asia's "Don't Cry" was on. "Hey Data, are they relatives of yours, too?" Mouth pointed at the band members in the video.

"Vewy funny," Data said. "They not even fwum Asia. They fwum Gate Bwitain."

"You mean Great Britain," Brand corrected him.

"That's what I say! Gwate Bwitain!" Data watched the band members explore a pyramid in the video. "They not real ahcheologists. Gwandpa Kennon is weal ahcheologists. He's seen booty traps like we have."

"You mean booby traps," Mikey corrected him.

"That's what I say! Booby traps! You always cowecting me! If you evah speak Chinese, I cowect you!"

"You're lucky I don't speak Chinese," Mouth said. "Because if I did, I would scare your grandpa like I scared Rosalita last week." Just then, Andy and Stef walked through the door. "Hola senoritas," Mouth said as he combed his hair back. "How are you ladies doing?"

"Shut up, Mouth," Stef said, trying not to laugh.

"Hey, Andy," Brand said.

"Hey, Brand. I was thinking that instead of going out to eat, it would be better to stay in and eat."

"Ooh," Mouth said as he made kissing faces in front of Brand.

"There's really nothing to eat in this house," Brand explained as he ignored Mouth.

"My mom's making food foe when my gwandpa comes in a little bit," Data said. "We can all eat dat."

"Sounds like a good idea," Andy said. "What do you think Brand?"

"I'm up to it," Brand said.

"Too bad you won't be able to make-out with all of us around," Mouth said. He looked at Stef. "I guess this means we're going on a date, too."

"Don't get too excited," Stef said. "You're gonna have to behave yourself."

"Whatever it takes," Mouth said.


	2. Goonies Story

Mikey, Mouth, Data, Brand, Andy, and Stef left the Walsh house and went into the Wang house. After a little while, Kennon Wong arrived. He was happy to see that his grandson had grown since the last time he saw him.

"How ah you doing?" he asked Data.

"Good. Come inside to eat, gwandpa."

Data's parents had cooked some spaghetti and ordered pizza for the kids in case they wanted any.

"If only there was food like this at the Fratellis' restaurant," Mouth commented.

"Gimme my bike!" Data's little sister said to Brand.

"I'm sorry," Brand said. "I lost it. And anyway, the wheels are wrecked."

"You took my gwanddaughta's bike?" Wang asked.

"It's a long story," Brand said. "Last week, my little brother and his friends were going on some treasure hunt. They tied me up and wrecked my bike. I had to find some way to go after them so that my mom would stop freaking out."

"Did you say, 'twesure hunt'?" Data's great-uncle asked. "Tell me moe."

"Well," Mikey began, "it all started when we found some old stuff in my dad's attic…"

As the story was being told, Chunk and Sloth, his adult friend he'd been taking care of, arrived in front of Mikey's house. The fence-door was locked.

"Mikey!" Chunk called. "Open the door!" There was no answer. He made an attempt to climb over the fence. Sloth picked Chunk up. "Ah! Put me down!"

"Sloth put Chunk down?" Sloth asked.

"Yes!" Chunk said. Sloth dropped Chunk onto the lawn.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Walsh's car pulled up to the house. She and the hired maid Rosalita came out of the car. Rosalita was helping Mrs. Walsh carry the groceries since her left arm was still broken.

"Aye!" Rosalita cried. Sloth had surprised her.

"Um, is Lawrence here?" Mrs. Walsh asked. Sloth gave her a confused look. She remembered that he wasn't that familiar with Chunk's real name. "Is Chunk here?"

"Chunk inside," Sloth said.

Mrs. Walsh went inside of her house and saw Chunk in the living room. She was horrified at the sight of the scratch on the table.

"Lawrence," she said, "what is that?"

"What?" Chunk looked at where she was pointing and saw the scratch.

"Did you do that?" she asked.

"No."

"Don't lie to me, Lawrence," she scolded.

"I didn't do shit!" Chunk cried. "How the hell would I do this?"

Rosalita walked into the house with some of the groceries. Sloth was following her. He picked up a small-scale version of Michaelangelo's statue of David.

"Put that down!" she yelled. Sloth dropped the statue onto the table. Mrs. Walsh picked it up and gave a sigh of relief when she saw that it was undamaged. At least, undamaged by Sloth. She gaped in horror when she noticed that David's genitals were upside-down. "What the-"

"Gotta go, Mrs. Walsh!" Chunk said as he ran out with Sloth.

Back at Data's house, Mikey was still telling the story of the Goonies' adventure the previous weekend.

"We found the way down in the fireplace. That's when we heard the Fratellis coming. Most of us went down while Chunk went out the window to get help."

At that moment, everyone heard someone knock on the front door. Everyone except for Brand and Andy looked out the window to check who it was. There they saw Chunk and Sloth. Chunk was turning the door knob.

"Hey guys," Chunk said, "the door is locked. Please let me in."

"Okay," Mr. Wang said. Mouth stopped him.

"Hang on," Mouth said. "You're gonna want to see this, Kennon." He looked at Chunk from the open window. "Do the truffle-shuffle."

"Oh, come on!" Chunk complained. "Mikey's mom is pissed! I'm hungry and afraid at the same time!"

"If you value your life," Mouth said, "then you'll do the truffle-shuffle!"

Chunk groaned and pulled up his shirt. He shook his belly around. This made Wong and the Wangs laugh. They finally let him in.

"It's funny because he's fat!" Data's sister said.

"What's my mom mad at you for?" Mikey asked as Chunk and Sloth walked in.

"I'm in deep shit, Mikey," Chunk said as he panted. "She found out about the statue, and she thinks that I made some big scratch on the table." Data couldn't help but snicker a bit.

"You won't be able to show your face in that house for a year," Mouth said.

"I smell pizza," Chunk said, "and spaghetti!" Chunk ran into the dining room and bumped into the table, causing a plate to fall onto the floor. He created a big, saucy mess on the carpet.

"Ah, man!" Data said. "Dat was my plate!"

"I get you new one," Mrs. Wang said. "And one foe yo friend, too."

"Oh my God," Stef said as she looked at Brand and Andy. They were sitting close together and holding each other.

"Looks someone just had a make-out session," Mouth said. "Good thing we came back before they started doing something else."

"You are so disgusting," Stef said to Mouth.

"Let's get back to the stowy," Kennon said. He looked at Chunk. "They telling me about da twesure hunt."

"One-Eyed Willie's treasure?" Chunk asked. "How far have you guys gotten?

"To the part where we went into the fireplace and you went to get help," Mikey answered.

"Let me tell this part!" Chunk said. "So I went out the window and got a car to stop. I found out that it was the Fratellis who were in the car. They got out and tried to get me, but then I punched them in their faces. They got scared and ran back to the old building where they found the hole under the fireplace. Sloth here was chained up in one of the rooms, so I freed him and we followed the Fratellis through the tunnel."

"You liar," Brand said. "Since when do you know how to punch someone?"

"I learned when I took lessons from Chuck Norris," Chunk said.

"He's lying, gwandpa," Data said. "He always does dat. Anyway, when we went in da tunnel, we found da skeleton of Chester Copperpot. Day didn't believe me, but I was wight. And dare was giant rocks falling because of a booty trap."

"You mean booby trap," Andy corrected him.

"Dat's what I said! Let me talk! I almost fell onto spikes, but I was saved by my pinchers of peril." Data activated gave a demonstration of what his pinchers of peril did. When they were activated, they pinched Chunk's face as he was trying to eat a slice of pepperoni pizza. Sloth pulled pinchers off of him.

"Ow!" Chunk said. "Thanks Sloth."

"Sloth help Chunk," Sloth said.

"I also saved us from this one other booby trap," Andy said. "I had to play some bones like a piano or else the floor beneath us would fall. The notes I had to play were on the back of the map."

"We made it out and went down water slides that took us to where the pirate ship was," Stef said.

"The octopus-" Data started. He was interrupted by Stef.

"Enough about the octopus."

"Anyway," Mikey said, "we got onto the ship and found One-Eyed Willie's skeleton. We got some of the gold, but the Fratellis took it away from us."

"That's when me and Sloth came in," Chunk said with his mouth full of spaghetti. He swallowed before he continued. "Sloth was able to beat up all of them. We still had to leave the ship, but the Fratellis set off a booby trap and the cave started to collapse. We were all able to make it out alive, but we didn't have any of the gold with us."

"But when we got to the shore, we found out that my marble bag still had some jewels in it," Mikey said. "And we could see the ship sailing out into the ocean as the Sun rose."


	3. Short Round Story

"Dat was a gwate stowy," Kennon said. "You know, when I was a kid, I went with an ahcheologist called Indiana Jones."

"Isn't he the guy who fought Nazis?" Mikey asked.

"Yes. Dis was back in da days when I was called Short Round."

"Why were you called that?" Chunk asked.

"Because I was short," he answered.

"I understand the 'short' part," Mouth said. "I think that the 'round' part would accurately apply to Chunk."

"Damn it, Mouth!" Chunk cried. "Stop making fun of me because I'm fat."

"I'm just saying that maybe instead of calling you Chunk we could call you Big Round."

"Shut up!" Chunk was feeling a lot of frustration caused my Mouth's comments. If he wasn't in the presence of adults, he would have punched Mouth right then and there.

"Both of you shut up!" Brand said. He was getting really tired of their arguing.

"Can you continue?" Andy asked. She was eager to hear the rest of the story.

"Okay," Kennon said. "Back then, I would dwive Indy in a taxicab. In nineteen thooty-five, he bwought a nightclub singa with him as I dwove."

"Ooh," Mouth said. Stef gave him a punch in the arm. "Ow!"

"Let him tell the story," Stef said.

"She was called Willie," Data's grandpa esplained, "and she came with us on a plane as we left Shanghai."

"Shanghai, China?" Mikey asked.

"No; Shanghai, Canada," Brand said sarcastically.

"Da pilots got out of da plane," Wong continued, "so Indy got inflatable boat foe us and we fell out of da plane befoe it cwashed into da Himalayas. We were alwight when we hit da gwound."

"So the inflatable boat kept you from getting hurt when you hit the ground," Mouth said. "I bet if you used Chunk you would have been alright, but the entire world would have collapsed under his weight."

"That's it!" Chunk said. "I can't take it anymore!" He let out a loud scream as he through spaghetti at Mouth's face. "Try fitting all that into your annoying mouth!"

"I think it would be easier to fit it all in yours." Sloth noticed how angry Chunk was looking. He picked Mouth up and shook him. He then pushed Mouth against the dinner table.

"Stop making Chunk mad!" Sloth said.

"Ah! Okay! I'll shut up!" Chunk put Mouth back in his chair.

"Now, which pawt of the tale was I on?" Kennon tried to figure out how far he had gotten in the story. Fiinally, it all came back to him. "Oh yeah. i rememba now. The people in a village believed we woo sent by a Hindu god. We went to Pankot so we could get a valuable stone fwom bad guys. At one point, we woo even in a woom with spikes dat almost closed in on us."

"See," Data said, "I told you he's seen… booby traps." Data said it right this time, so nobody corrected him. His grandpa continued his story.

"We went into dis mine shaft and dare was a man pulling a hawt out of another man. We got away by getting in a cawt. Indy used a sowed to cut a rope bwidge ova wata with cwocodiles. Indy made the stones glow wed, and two of dem fell in da wata while another one booned bad guy's hand. Dis bad guy fell into wata and we won."

"That was a great story," Mouth said, "even though I couldn't really understand some of it."

"Why?" Data asked. "Because of ah accent?"

"No," Mouth said. "Because I couldn't really follow the story."

"That's because you were too busy being a jerk to me," Chunk suggested.

"Maybe it's because I didn't explain well enough," Wong said. "Afta all, it was fifty yeas ago, and my mind is a bit fuzzy."

"Either way, that was some great food," Chunk said before he burped.

"Sloth love food," Sloth said as he ate.

"You were right about one thing, Data," Mikey said. "Your dad is a real archeologist."

"See guys!" Data said. "I told you!"

"Did you go on any other adventures after that?" Stef asked.

"Yes, but none of them woo as good as the advencha with Indy that I have just told you about."

"Whatever happened to Indiana Jones?" Andy asked.

"He eventually got mawied and had a son called Mutt. He liked to comb his hair like Mouth here." Everyone stared at Mouth and saw that he was combing his hair.

"He does comb his hair a lot," Stef said.

"Only to look good for the ladies," Mouth said.

"Data," Wong said as he took a long look at his grandson, "you may be an inventa like yo fatha, but you also an explowa like yo gwandpa."

"I shoo am, gwandpa." Data gave his grandfather a hug.


End file.
